I got a great piece of advice today. I was bemoaning the fact that being on a committee with people who are (surprise!) not type A and don't plan and can't make decisions, was at best, troubling and at worst infuriating. I was about to explode. I had been trying to find that middle ground where everyone would feel warm and fuzzy but things would be efficient. I never got there. And it bothered me. I found myself in the place between "F*ck you, I'll just do it my damn self because it's easier" and "F*ck you, I QUIT!". After talking for a while, my friend suggested I look at this another way. Without belittling or invalidating my feelings, she reminded me of someone who would be so proud of where this group is now and of all the things that happened since she died. She wanted nothing more than for this group to thrive, grow, flourish, and keep excelling even after her death. And we have done just that! So this year's celebration is in her honor. I will honor her spirit as I know she would have loved to celebrate with us, this one-in-a-lifetime milestone for a group such as ours. Even if I have to "do it my damn self" I'm still honoring her and remembering that she shaped this group into the community we are and gave us the tenacious spirit to move forward. We haven't lost that--it may be hidden beneath the drama and other things, but it's there. I'm dusting off my tenacity and my love for what this group is at its core. And I'm doing this for her.
xoxox, my friend. I miss you every day.