If You Really Knew Me

If you really knew me

1. you'd know I suffer from extreme anxiety and constant worry.
2. you'd know that telling me to calm down induces the exact opposite reaction.
3. you'd know I love purple, sunflowers, all things Italian.
4. you'd know that a piece of my heart is in Italy and another in Argentina.
5. you'd know I'm extremely emotional and sensitive.
6. you'd know I am a master of seeming to have my act together even when I'm boiling with anxiety inside.
7. You'd know I wear my heart on my sleeve.
8. You'd know I always have the best intentions even when it doesn't turn out that way.
9. You'd know I'd rather be happy than right.
10. you'd know I'm uncomfortable with conflict.
11. you'd know I'm on the edge of OCD.
12. you'd know routines make me feel safe.
13. you'd know that I like to know the plan--and in fact, I like to MAKE the plan.
14. you'd know that I find it easier going into a new situation when I have some information and know a little bit about what to expect.
15. you'd know surprises scare me
16. you'd know I hate saying no.
17. you'd know I'm filled with guilt about many things.
18. you'd know there are things I will never speak about.
19. you'd know that when you yell at me, I cry inside.
20. you'd know that I am easily intimidated.
21. you'd know that I thrive on order.
22. you'd know I can't stand spiders.
23. you'd know I hate dirt.
24. you'd know I've seen/felt the presence of ghosts.
25. You'd know there are people I miss so much it hurts.
26. you'd know I always want to be the best but I'm afraid to admit it when I am.
27. you'd know I'm more proud of other people than I am of myself.
28. you'd know that I've never fit in.
29. you'd know that my feelings are hurt when you blow me off.
30. you'd know sometimes I need to be alone.
31. You'd know I'm judgmental to a fault. (mostly of myself)
32. You'd know I'm not sure if I'm more afraid if someone reads this list or if they don't.
33. You'd know I can't stand that some of these start with capital Y and some start with lower case y.
34. You'd know I miss Boston and the Sox and the seasons.
35. You'd know my favorite time of year is Fall but only in New England where the fiery colors of the leaves burn bright in the crisp air. Otherwise, I'll go for Spring.
36. You'd know I hide behind humor.
37. You'd know more about me than you should.