Well, that took the wind outta' my sails. I was so excited about going to visit a friend I've not seen in ages. It all seemed too good to be true when our plans worked out. Then the proverbial other shoe dropped. Sigh. I am going to be the third wheel. Instead of a fun weekend hanging out, shopping, drinking, relaxing, chatting, it's going to be a weekend of being "on". In other words, it won't be a short vacation. I know it's selfish, but I didn't want to have to deal with anyone outside our friendship. I don't want to have to be put together and afraid to walk around in pajamas. I don't want to feel like I'm leaving someone behind or that I'm being left behind--i.e. third wheel.
I wish I could just cancel the trip and either stay home or go somewhere else. I know my friend would be disappointed and I can't let on that I feel this way. I can't let on WHY I feel this way. I guess I'll just have to make the best of it. I was hoping for more as I've spent the last year making the best of it.
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
So close yet so far away
Why is it that when we get so close to the end of something, whether it be a work year, a class, paying off debt, loans, whatever, it's the hardest part of the journey? I can see the end but I can't quite reach it yet. Impatience sets in--along with some other things, but we won't go there.
Two things come to mind right now--paying off the last of my debt and finishing a work contract. My debt is just short of 3 payments until finished, and my work contract is just a few days until completed. It's been a long haul for both and I never thought I would see even a glimpse of the end.
I can't breathe in anticipation of being able to breathe when this heavy weight is lifted off my shoulders. I guess that makes no sense, but that's how I feel at the moment.
Then the saying "don't wish your life away" comes to mind. Am I wishing my life away by hoping these final days go quickly? While I do believe in cherishing every day, I kind of want these days to fly by so I can enjoy the ones that follow. Patience has never been one of my strong suits. Ugh.
I have already promised myself I will never get into these situations again. I will learn how to say no and not feel guilty. I will learn to take care of my sanity without feeling like I'm letting others down. I will remember what it feels like to be in the thick of these situations and how good it feels when I'm not. I can do this. I have come this far and I will get to the end.
Two things come to mind right now--paying off the last of my debt and finishing a work contract. My debt is just short of 3 payments until finished, and my work contract is just a few days until completed. It's been a long haul for both and I never thought I would see even a glimpse of the end.
I can't breathe in anticipation of being able to breathe when this heavy weight is lifted off my shoulders. I guess that makes no sense, but that's how I feel at the moment.
Then the saying "don't wish your life away" comes to mind. Am I wishing my life away by hoping these final days go quickly? While I do believe in cherishing every day, I kind of want these days to fly by so I can enjoy the ones that follow. Patience has never been one of my strong suits. Ugh.
I have already promised myself I will never get into these situations again. I will learn how to say no and not feel guilty. I will learn to take care of my sanity without feeling like I'm letting others down. I will remember what it feels like to be in the thick of these situations and how good it feels when I'm not. I can do this. I have come this far and I will get to the end.
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