Monday, June 26, 2017

Rant: YouNow

Ok, this is WAY off topic for this blog, but bear with me. I need to rant about something. WHAT IN THE ENTIRE FK IS YOUNOW? I feel as though it's a copout for YouTubers so they don't have to make real videos. 99% of them are watching the YouTuber read comments and respond to them. They often don't even say what the comment is. They thank people for "bars" whatever those are, and then try to say "thank you" in different languages. It's totally cringy. I mean it's not DONKAH SHAY or merSEE, And "de nada" is you're welcome or it was nothing. Stupid uninformed people. At least do some research if you're going to try to speak other languages. I feel like I'm watching someone just sitting in their house hanging out with their friends doing nothing. Some have long pauses where the person doesn't even speak. I don't get it. I'd rather watch a real vlog on YouTube where the person has put together thoughtful content and has something meaningful to say. I even enjoy watching people vlog their ordinary days. It's like a window into their lives. YouNow is a long drawn out non-conversation that has nothing to say. But what do I know? I'm just a blogger with barely any content that's worth reading.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Do You Ever Feel Like a Fraud?

Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I mean, I do my job fairly well and I come across as someone who's got it all together and knows what she's doing. But sometimes I stop, look around, a think "omg, I'm really not doing all I could and what I am doing isn't what people think it is". Maybe it's my own insecurity or maybe I could try harder. I think the crux of the matter is that most people only see the outside of me. They don't see inside where I live every day in my perfectionist world. My almost OCD world. My anxious world. They don't see it because I've become a master (mistress?) at hiding it--at least in public. It's a lot of work to hide your real self. It's exhausting, in fact. 

But I know from experience that we shouldn't give up and we are our own worst critics. I've done more than I ever dreamed I would do so I must be doing *something* right. I think. Sigh.

Is it just me or do other people feel like they're a fraud too? I don't know. But if you're reading this, please tell me your story.


Friday, June 23, 2017

Eye opening epiphany (sort of)

Recently I realized I had no earthly idea how much I really eat. I thought since I was eating (mostly) healthy foods and exercising regularly, that I should be losing weight. It wasn't the case. The scale has not budged for a year. Very frustrating. I started doing something I always knew was a good idea but never really bothered to do. It kind of tags along with meal prep. It's dividing large bags/boxes of things into portions that I put into containers be it zip locks or plastic tupperware type things. For instance, I had a giant bag of popcorn. I could easily have eaten the entire thing (and probably have on many occasions). However, this time I looked at how many servings there were in the bag. Sixteen. SIXTEEN! OMG.... and each serving was 140 calories. Ummm...yikes. I looked at the size of the bag, befuddled at how it could possibly be sixteen servings. They must mean to eat one kernel or something. So I did an experiment. I took a measuring cup and put the portions into zip locks. Sure enough, it was 16 bags. They took up my entire counter space. (ok, I have a tiny kitchen but still). When I looked at it that way, I realized that was A LOT of popcorn. Suddenly it gave me perspective. And I only ate one serving and was fine with it. I have since done it with cereal and some other munchies I tend to get into when I shouldn't. Nothing too terrible but too much and it's akin to eating a bag of chips. The cruz of the matter is that when you portion out the entire box or bag or whatever it is, you can see it's so much more than you really thought. And you are less apt to eat it all in one sitting. I'm hoping this helps me. Fingers crossed.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

The grass is always greener

As I peer over the proverbial fence of life, it seems more often than not, the grass is greener on the other side. I see other people's accomplishments and suddenly mine seem pale in comparison and sometimes not even remotely worthy. I see other people's lives on facebook, instagram, and other social media and they're richer, thinner, more successful. The thing is these are snippets of people's lives--not the REAL life. Perhaps people peer over their fences and my life seems all sparkles and glitter to them. One never knows. It's not something anyone would admit. I know my life is good and I have much for which to be grateful. I guess we all need a reminder every now and then. And maybe we should stop peering over fences and looking around our own yard to see the beauty that's here.


Sunday, June 18, 2017

Off topic: YouTubers who respond to "hate" comments

Why do YouTubers (or anyone on social media) respond to "hate" comments? They must spend hours upon hours to
screen-shot the comments not to mention poring through comments to find the "best" ones. I can't understand why anyone would waste their energy on that--especially those who promote spreading love and positivity. Seems hypocritical to me. But I don't know them and I'm not a YouTuber so maybe I just don't get it. I recently watched 2 videos in which the people ranted about or actually read comments which they showed on their videos (as if people couldn't see them already?). It disturbs me because both of these people claim to be positive and loving. 

I've been called names, been threatened, and been made to feel small so much that I no longer comment. I'm almost scared to watch anymore. I still have my favorite channels, most of which include cleaning and organizing tips and mental health.


I'll leave this quote here as a reminder to myself and others that forgiveness is healthy. You don't have to forget, but forgiving will free your soul more than you know.


Saturday, June 17, 2017

Meal Prep

Does anyone out there meal prep? By meal prep, I mean make food and put in it single portion containers for ready to heat up meals. I've found this to be particularly helpful because if it's already made, I will eat it. I hate cooking but this way I only have to cook once and I eat 3 or even 4 times depending on what I've made. This week I made rice and added black beans, onions, corn, and some shredded cheese. I'll top it with salsa or perhaps some crushed tortilla chips. On the side, I have broccoli and carrots. Voila---3 lunches and or dinners fully prepared with REAL food. I vary my meals each week and since I don't make enough for more than 3-4 meals, I of course, have to figure out what to eat for the rest of the day. That said, it helps SO MUCH. Sometimes I wonder if I could make meals for an entire week this way. Of course that brings out the OCD side of me that doesn't want to eat food that's more than 3 days old. Don't ask.

I've added this to my routines and usuallyI do it on Sundays. Today I did it and it's Saturday. I must say I paused before making the meal thinking it means it will all be a day older than I really want it to be. I think in reality it means, I'll just have to fend for myself sooner in the week. Sometimes I need to get over myself and realize things will all work out. I'm not good at that.

I was also hoping meal prepping would help me on my way to losing some unwanted weight. Being "of a certain age" means losing weight isn't always easy but gaining it sure is! *Unfair* I exercise daily (also routine) and I try to make good choices for my food. I sometimes fail at that, but at least I make an effort. 

We shall see if this addition to my routine makes a difference. Time will tell.


Wednesday, June 14, 2017

When Your World is Interrupted

I feel guilty for writing this. I have a deep seated fear someone will find this blog entry and think it's about them. It's not. Not really. Having people stay with me is difficult. Not because they're here, but because they have stuff. Lots of stuff. And I have nowhere for them to put it. So my world gets turned upside down because try as they might to consolidate their belongings, they are still in my line of sight. There's nothing to be done about it. It's not their fault and it's not mine. It's the fact that I have a small dwelling not really suited for overnight guests--especially not for more than one night.

I have a need--a compulsion to clean every day. I need that routine of keeping things in order. It's hard to do when another person is in my space. They make messes (and I don't mean on purpose) but it seems there's double the dirt when it's more than just me here. I get the heebie jeebies when I have to share a bathroom. Yes, I'm crazy. I know the guests are clean but somehow I feel as though I need to bleach out the bathroom every time someone else uses it. Like they have cooties or something. I know--I'm ridiculous and weird. 

Once my guest leaves, I immediately start my cleaning frenzy--everything and everywhere must be cleaned up and straightened out. Even if it wasn't used or is already cleaned. I hate that I am this way, but I just am. I guess it's ok because I never tell my guests they turn my world upside down. I enjoy having them here and feel honored when they actually want to stay with me despite my small living quarters. So I'm conflicted.