It hurts my heart

Why is it that one small thing can stab me in the heart and seemingly nullify all the good of the last week or so? Why don't people have the guts to confront others in the moment when they feel they've been wronged? A week later and I don't even remember enough to be able to apologize more than by just saying I'm sorry for offending you. I don't even know what I did. I don't remember saying or doing what you claim I did. How can that be that I have no idea what happened and the other person is CERTAIN I spewed out a hateful remark. Sigh. I try to live by the adage "sometimes it's better to be happy than to be right". It's hard when I constantly find myself letting the other person be right. That should leave me being happy? I don't know anymore. I do the best I can and it seems I fall short too many times.

So much for all that therapy and groups I attended over the years. I thought I had learned coping skills and become more mindful of my feelings and those of others. Apparently, I haven't changed. I still find out (after the fact!) that I've fallen short of my expectations and others' of me. The thing that hurts the most is that someone would think so little of me to say that I would say or do something so incredibly hateful. Do they really think that? Have I put on a face of evil that the world sees instead of the kind, generous, helpful person I thought I was? 

Once again, I sit here feeling like a failure. I thought I raised my self-esteem but now I have to dig out of the dirt again.