When I was a kid (and sometimes not a kid) I always thought the saying was "the PINK elephant in the room". I don't know where on earth I got that, but there it is. So every time I hear or use that expression, I think of a pink elephant standing in the room where he (she?) is impossible to miss. And yet, as the saying goes, it's there, but nobody is talking about. They talk around it, behind it, through it, and every which way but ABOUT it. They do not address the enormous (pun intended) presence right there in the room.
There is an elephant in the room now. It is staring at me and everyone around me. As per usual, nobody pays attention and in fact, pretends it's not there. I think about bringing it up and just being direct by saying we need to address this, get it out in the open, and move past it. Let it go out to where all happy elephants are. But I'm somehow afraid to point out this creature even though it's obviously there. Why am I afraid? Conflict is uncomfortable. Also, this elephant was hashed out in many conversations months ago. In essence, it shouldn't be here. But it's here because it's time to start the process that brought this elephant into being in the first place. Confused? Good. So am I.
Long story short, someone proclaimed a new way of doing things. Rules, regulations, procedures were all set out in writing and everyone knew (or thought they knew) what would happen. Unfortunately, the plans went out the window and the entire process went awry. Nobody said anything until the deed was done and we were standing among the rubble that was left behind. There were hurt feelings, raging emotions, and lives were forever changed. This may sound dramatic, and maybe it is, but for those of us on the inside, it really did change us. I was changed--and maybe for the better. I became more aware of how things go when you do not stay honest. I became acutely aware of how it feels to wonder if someone you respected for so long and so deeply, really respected me. Lots of emotions flew around and I addressed them because frankly, although elephants are cool, they don't belong in my room.
I thought, after hashing things out, that we'd move on and it would be over. But it's not. At least I don't feel that way. It's that same time of year with that same anticipation of what's going to happen this time. Actions always speak louder than words, so I wait for the actions to happen. I'm not patient and nothing has even begun to unfold as of yet. Of course, I worry that is has indeed unfolded and I am left out for fear of my reaction.
I honor direct, honest, clear, transparent, and real communication. My expectations are not always met and I'm disappointed when the world seems to function with a different set of rules than I have. Or if it functions with no rules at all. As I've said over and over, I'm just a Type A personality trying to make her way in this crazy world.
And on top of it all, I wonder if anyone reads this blog?