I did my research and I gave it serious thought. I weighed pros and cons and talked to people when I could. I found 3 viable options. Then it all blew up in my face because all three options involve something I do not have--money. WTF? To achieve my dreams, I'd have to bankrupt myself. I don't think all is lost, but right now, that's what it seems like to me. BIG SIGH. How do people do this? How do they figure things out and not end up homeless? I know I don't have the best information on any of my options, but I thought I had enough to go on. Apparently not. I stopped the train, backed the truck up, and am sitting here where I started only a little more deflated than angry.
I'm trying to stick to my safe routines and tell myself it will all be ok in the end. Because after all, if it's not ok, then it's not the end. Or something.
Last night I saw one of the funniest comedians on the planet. If he'd marry me, I'd go anywhere for him. But he won't and I'm not. He uses the F word a lot and I like it. I like his rants and his unabashed anger towards the establishment. Whatever the fk that is. He's awesome. And sometimes he gets so angry, you can't understand him at all. That's when I laugh the hardest. I needed those laughs last night. I'm so lucky I got them.
So now I need to keep marching forward and try to think of how I can turn my plans into reality. It's not as easy and neat as I thought it would be, but I have to believe it's possible.
Everything's possible if you want it enough.
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