Saturday, December 10, 2016

Ranting and frothing in my insane crisis

(Thank you, Walt Whitman, for that title!)

I feel like I've gone off the deep end. I started this blog with the intention of talking about my Type A life and my routines, cleaning, organization, and other things that make me feel a little more in control in this crazy world. In the last few months, I've lost my grip on whatever control I had. I seem to have hurled myself off into an abyss where chaos and cacophony abound. I find myself screaming at unknown people who've tweeted some political tidbit or getting riled up because things are not going the way I planned. I'm not a person I like anymore. But I cannot escape myself.
So I try to keep my eyes forward and my head down, but I keep looking to the side and getting distracted. 

Ironically, distraction is a tool that often helps me STAY in control when I feel like I'm falling. I've used it to keep myself from engaging in harmful behavior. But somehow, the distractions are the harmful behaviors. I'm so confused.

I just want a clean and organized life. I want to know when and where things are happening and what to expect when I get there. I want to be able to balance my work and play without feeling like I have no "me time" to recharge my batteries. 

I feel like this:

And I want to be like this: 

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