Gratitude seems so "holier than thou" or preachy sometimes. "Be grateful", people say. "Be happy with what you have and know that you are indeed lucky. All of these things are true--I AM grateful and I AM lucky in more ways than I could ever articulate in a blog. (or ever, for that matter).
Lately, I find myself feeling no joy in a place where I've always found the most happiness and fulfillment. I know without this place, I would be empty and sad. Ironically, I'm empty and sad when I'm there. In doing some major soul-searching, I've come to realize that it's not the "place" or the "people", it's how one experience changed it all for me. It colored my experience of what was once a royal purple and now a pale yellowish cloud. I tell myself there is good here if I just push away the cloud and find the purple again. It's there--it really is. I just have to know where to look. And that means being more grateful and more aware.
I'm not saying I can do this immediately, as I am predisposed to a rather grudge-holding, cynical, glass-half empty kind of outlook, but I will try. And as someone I love once said, "it's all in the trying".