As you may well know if you've read my blogs before (especially the beginning ones) I am a total type A personality and thrive on routines. I also like to feel in control of my surroundings and of what is going on. I like knowing and having a plan. Lately, I have been using my routines to ground myself. I feel less anxious when I know what I need to get done and when I'm going to do it. I also like to be in control of when these things will happen. I don't like surprises and I don't like it when things go awry. Of course, I'm repeating myself because I've said all of this before.
The interesting thing is that there is one place in my life where no matter how hard I try, I do not have control at all. I do everything I can to be sure to keep things in a routine, in control, and always have a plan. But somehow, these routines and plans just don't result in anything positive. So....do I throw caution to the wind and just figure it's never going to be the way I want it? For someone like me, that's nearly impossible. On the other hand, I feel as though I'm setting myself up for constant feelings of failure when I don't meet my goal. What to do?
I wish I had the answer. I hate when I don't have an answer. I don't like that gray area of life where things are uncertain.