Superstitious?

Friday, July 24, 2015

Superstitious?

Hmm.... So I sometimes apply for jobs and never tell anyone. On purpose. Sometimes because I don't want to jinx it and sometimes because I don't want to explain if I am not hired.
I know talking about it isn't going to sway the decision one way or another, but somehow I feel like if I talk about it, I'll get my hopes up and realize I was never qualified or they hired from within or they had already chosen someone and this was just a formality for "show".
Ultimately, I think it's the embarrassment factor--who wants to talk about a job they're applying for and think they should get, and then have to let people know you weren't hired. So sometimes I just don't want to talk about it. But then sometimes I find out that where I'm applying, they know someone and they contact them! So, hopefully, I get this job for many reasons. Amen.

The problem with texting

Saturday, July 25, 2015

The problem with texting

The problem with texting is that we don't hear the tone of voice. We do not see the the person's face. Therefore, it is easy to misunderstand or misinterpret someone's words. Emoticons can help, but they don't always prevent one or the other party from getting unnecessarily offended.

That said, if you know me well enough and we are texting, you KNOW I'm not intentionally offending you. I have shut off chat on FB and refuse to answer texts on my phone with anything more than "got it, thanks, talk to you later". If you do choose to reach out to me via text, FB message, or even email, and you get offended, it's on YOU. And please refrain from calling me names like "ridiculous" or "crazy". That's offensive.

Don't cry for me Argentina

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Don't cry for me Argentina

Ok, the title is hokey, but I always seem to leave a piece of my heart in the most unexpected places. Having recently visited Argentina with my beloved chorus, I can easily say that Argentina stole my heart. I was caught unaware and only realized as we were leaving, the way this South American country had drawn me into its soul. The country has so many sights, sounds, smells, and tastes. The tastes usually came in last place since being a vegetarian isn't easy in the land of beef. Despite that, I felt drawn to this place where the laughter, wine, celebration, is abundant way into the wee hours of the morning. During this whirlwind tour, we visited the cemetery in Buenos Aires where Eva Peron was buried,  (don't cry for me Argentina!!--I resisted the strong urge to sing out loud while standing there gazing at the plaque adorned with flowers),  took a trip to Uruguay and walked through a coastal town of Colonia, adorned with Southwestern Colors and a New England flavor. I could have gazed at the scenery forever. We toured the opera house and heard the most amazing soprano rehearsing. Her voice took my breath away and I found tears in my eyes. I had no idea what song she was singing, but it didn't matter. Her voice was not of this world. The Tango show, the estancia (ranch) all had lasting impressions (maybe it was the wine, but those were wonderful adventures). :)
Speaking of wine, we then traveled to Mendoza where wine is made and enjoyed a delicious wine tasting of the smoothest malbec I've ever tasted. Followed, was a lunch of delectable food. Onward we went to discover the city of Mendoza and the majestic Andes mountains that hover above. In snow up to our knees, we saw the most beautiful animals (guanacos--similar to llamas--and condors flying overhead. Sledding was included in this adventure and after being convinced to take part, I didn't regret it! There may or may not be a video with proof that my friend and I went sailing down a hill at top speed. Ahem.

Our last stop was the small city of San Juan. There we completed our singing tour with a festival that included choirs from all over Argentina, one from Germany, Uruguay, and us from the USA. So many people coming together for one purpose, melted my heart. This is the power of music, I thought. It transcends countries, languages, and all that matters are the harmonies that result from a sea of voices all around us. It's what really matters. As it says in the story of Miss Rumphius, "make the world more beautiful, make the world beautiful...." And she says "but I don't yet what I will do". I now know what I will do.

Incredible singing all along the way made this tour the best chorus trip I've been on in my 18 years in the chorus. The cloudy skies never quite gave way enough to see the stars, so I must return. Although I don't speak (much) Spanish, I need una oportunidad para contar estrellas. (an opportunity to count the stars). Argentina, I will return one day. I am humbled by your beauty and by your people who were so kind even when I spoke part Italian, English, and Spanish in the same sentence. As I said, a piece of my heart is still in Argentina, so please take care of it for when I return, I will leave yet another piece of myself there, I'm sure.

There aren't words sufficient to describe this experience, but I am glad I was able to go.

On my mind

Musings of randomness and other colors.

Friday, August 21, 2015

On my mind

I think I've lost a friend. I'm not sure how it all happened, but it ended with a venomous "fuck you" from her and a quick exit out the door. I was left standing speechless and hurt as though I'd just stepped into another world without warning. I don't know how anyone could be so cruel. No matter how angry or upset you get, there's always a better way to solve it aside from cursing someone out. I spent the rest of the day with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. It didn't help that it was the end of a long trip with little sleep, and we were embarking upon our trip home. This was so out of character that it caused me to wonder whether something else was wrong. I didn't have time to ask and now I don't want to ask. I just want to cut the toxic person out of my life. She doesn't seem to think she did anything wrong (or at least hasn't said so) and I have to say I see that as a major character flaw. I'm sure I shouldn't be so judgmental, but I am. And I hold a grudge forever. In other news, I somehow think it's MY fault. A flaw in me, perhaps.

Changing Winds

Sometimes friends come and go and they might even come back years later after a long silence. This was the case for a friend of mine. We were close friends for many years until we weren't. We drifted apart and the falling out seemed to be buried except the hard feelings were right on the surface. So I guess that means the falling out wasn't really buried. Its head was visible under a veil of nothingness. She moved across the country to a city near to where I grew up and we didn't have contact anymore.

Fast forward several years and I see this person again. We are civil and she is back in the "acquaintance" category--someone I wouldn't mind seeing once in a while or with mutual friends, but not someone with whom I'd choose to spend copious amounts of time or disclose personal information. We saw each other once or twice after this so-called repair and it was tolerable. Then she got sick--really sick--scary sick. And every little petty small difference didn't matter anymore. I matured in a flash and reached out to her as she did me. She felt like a real friend again. I would make time to see her when I was in town and it was as though the falling out never happened.

Then she started coming back here where I met her. She would seemingly frantically "fit me in" during her busy schedule of seeing friends, going places, etc. We'd meet for coffee and chat and for a moment it seemed like we were friends again, but at the same time, there was a strange feeling of distance between us. She seemed not to be fully present when we met. She seemed to be preoccupied with the other people and places she wanted to be sure to see during her visit. The second or third time, I definitely felt like an afterthought and didn't feel important to her. One time she didn't even call after she told me she'd be here. Not even a courtesy text "Oh it turns out I won't be able to see you this time, I'm so sorry." That would have been enough. At least I wouldn't have felt forgotten or unimportant. Maybe I was reading more into this than was really there. Maybe I was projecting. Maybe I never really got over the fact that she played a large part in our falling out all those years ago.

After a long time of quiet between us (for reasons unknown--probably life) she contacted me to say she'd like to have dinner together before a rehearsal I had that evening. I agreed and also said I knew how difficult it is to see everyone when you have so little time, so why not get all of us together somewhere? She said she had plans with people individually so unless I wanted to invite some other people she wasn't really planning to see, then we'd have dinner together, just the two of us. I am sure it will be fun but the situation makes me feel as though I'm an afterthought again. She never did say how long she would be here, why she is coming, or where she is staying. So much secrecy. So much feeling of being in Middle School again and being on the outside of the popular crowd. 

We'll see what happens when I meet her. It's always nice to see her, so I'm sure it will be fine. I just have to assume I'm important enough that she made some time for me.

Budgeting for beginners and those who wonder where their money goes

Budgeting is a word that always made the hairs on my neck stand up. For years, I avoided it like the plague. I thought if I had money, I could spend it and that was that. The rest could go on a credit card. I could not have been more wrong. 

Years later, I sat down and decided that having a savings account with $500 was not going to be enough. And my checking account was even lower. I knew how much money I earned every month, but somehow al most all of it seemed to be gone by about the 25th of each month. Where was it going? I had no clue.

First I decided to put one of my 3 monthly checks into my savings account each time I got paid. It wasn't a lot, but it made a difference and built up my savings past its usual molehill status. That worked for a while and I felt a bit more secure because I had a substantial (that's a strong word) savings. But I still didn't know where the rest of my money was going. I never spent anything out of my savings, so that was ok, but my checking account was languishing every month. The next step was very sobering. I faced head on, that "B" word. I sat down with my excel sheet and listed every expense for the month. Some were easy because they are fixed. (rent, health insurance, internet phone) Some were a bit trickier since they seemed to vary more. (utilities, prescriptions, doctor visits, groceries, gas in the car). Now was the daunting task of figuring out how much money was coming in versus how much went out.

It took me several tries to get it right. The method that seemed to work best for me was this:
On an excel sheet I listed the expenses I would have for a specific month. Most were predictable like the aforementioned items, but some were specific to that month like car registration and taxes. I had to account for those things for that month only and therefore budget "around" that. I also had to accept that I may be spending more that month than in a typical month without those expenses. 
After listing the expenses, I made a "projected" column--that is what I would guess I would spend or what I wanted to budget for that item. The next column was the "actual" list where I would fill in what I really spent. Sometimes the "actual" spending was over my limit and sometimes under. I could see how much I was spending in relation to how much I was bringing in. I was actually living within my means, but I could see where most of my money was going and how I could make some cuts and where I needed to allow for more. The second month went better than the first. Now that I'm on the third month, I expect to get better at projecting what each expense will be. I'm more careful with the places where my money seems to fly away (eating out, groceries...hmm...FOOD). It's nice to know exactly how I'm spending my money and what I really need to spend on each item. For instance, I thought I was spending much more on gas in the car than I really was. I actually spent only about 50% of what I budgeted. YAY! 

I'm going to keep trying to be more disciplined with my spending and see if I can reach my financial goals much sooner than I would have before I started budgeting. It's a process to be sure, but my ultimate goal is to be debt free and have a healthy savings and emergency fund. (not to mention enough to pay my bills and live comfortably). 

I don't pretend to be a financial guru (I hate numbers!) but I am attempting to take control of my finances. We all know I like to be in control, have everything in order, in its place, and neat and tidy. 

If I can do this, anyone can do this. Give it a try! Remember....baby steps.

Back To Calm

It's July, which I refer to as the "month of calm". There is a welcome lull in my work which serves to help recharge my batteries so to speak and make me a better teacher/program director in August when things start speeding up again.

During this month of calm, I have taken the time to see friends and make time for having fun. As I reflect, I realize there is so much on my bucket list that I have yet to cross off. I need to make time for that as well. It's important to live life fully and in the present. Putting things off for the future can be precarious as you never know if the future will be there. Life is fragile and short. I need to remember that every day even during the busiest times of the year.

I hope you all take some time to rest and relax as well. Until next time, here's to the slowness of summer!