Until it Happens to You

You never know how you will react until it happens to you. It's easy to envision a situation and go through in your mind how you would react. Until it really happens. Today I was faced with a situation exactly like that--one I had envisioned and thought about how I would react. It was nothing like that. A million thoughts swarmed through my head. I was frantic, panicking, and completely out of body. Clammy fingers texted the person I was supposed to meet next. The words I typed were not as I felt inside, but rather how I wished I had felt--or even didn't feel at all, but they were a defense mechanism to get me through without falling to pieces. Although I was surrounded by 100 or so people, I was alone. I was the only one there waiting for the evil to strike. I was sure it would be only moments until I was faced with the unthinkable. After what seemed like an eternity, I was suddenly able to escape. Without thinking, I dashed out and  fled immediately. I didn't think about the consequences of fleeing so carelessly. I just wanted to get out and far away. So I did.

I arrived at my next destination thinking I was perfectly fine and composed. It was only moments until I realized I was anything but together. The tears were just behind my eyes and fear took over my being. I couldn't hear myself speak, I was moving on autopilot. It took a friend to stop me and give me permission to leave. As soon as I got in the car, reality hit. I was hysterical. To this day I won't forget what happened. And this was only a fraction of what could have been. This paled in comparison to almost anything I've heard about over the last year. But it hit me deep inside. Because it happened to me. The thing I think about every day when I go to work, almost became real--it did become real, just not as real as it could have been. 

Hold your loved ones tight. Always say goodbye. You never know when it will be the last time. Or almost the last time.